So Lonely.

I’m not fitting in, what can I do?

Help me, what am I doing wrong?
I don’t understand, I’m there when you’re not strong.
I try to be happy most of the time, but it’s getting harder now,
knowing your friendship isn’t mine.”

What the hell do I deserve half the crap my suite mates give me? Seriously? Last week, two of my five suite mates were high and drunk, and they had a guy over who was just as drunk and high. I went to take a shower, and when I came back, the guy had jerked off on my pillow, one of them threw up on my carpet, and they wrote on my wall. Not only that, they wrote things like that I fuck myself with my flute and really gross and obscure things like that. Then, they also decided to take my $900 digital camera and hide it with my flute and my fox. Needless to say, I eventually found those. Plus today, someone took a shit in my shower and then proceeded to wipe their ass with my white loofah. Fun, right?

Am I just intolerable to be around? Am I annoying? I’m just looking for a friend who can understand these things who I can call around any hour to ask for help. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Especially since I try my hardest to reach out to people, and it ends up with them avoiding me and ignoring me. I’m tired of being the anti-social girl, not just in the music wing, but across the entire campus. My day usually consists of waking up about 30 minutes later than I should, unmotivated to get up to start such a shitty day, then I frantically get ready for my class which I would then have twenty minutes to get to. I quietly get my way through said class, repeat the process five times daily, walk back to the dorms kicking at the leaves on the sidewalk with angst, and hide in my room for the rest of the day doing homework or trying to see if I can sleep until the next day and possibly wake up on time. From experience, it fails.

My unmotivation is really starting to reflect in my playing and especially my photography. I used to take good shots left and right. I knew all the good places to go. Eh, I don’t know anyone around here to show me if there are any. Then again, no one wants to talk to me…. I’m just going to… sleep and shut up now. I feel like I bitch too much.